the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
