yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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