i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
