he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i will never coherently bang her
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize