i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
