I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
