my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
