anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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