3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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