No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
