plz talk dirty to me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
