dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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