I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
