yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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