I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
