I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
