is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize