I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
