Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
