Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
