i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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