alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your penis caused this!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
