would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
