are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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