Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
