I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
