It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love you. Go after that dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
