YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
