I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize