My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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