Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
