literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
