I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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