I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
