Please, let me fuck your mom
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize