I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
