every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
