Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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