they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize