There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drake has all the answers
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize