we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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