I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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