the condom got lost in my hair
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
