he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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