If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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