Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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