this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
