That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
