I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
