when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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