She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize