Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
