Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
