the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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