i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
