My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
