I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
