i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
