return my video game
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
